MY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
The problem with being brought up in a classist society is that you constantly have to deal with the question, am I enough? This reality is so entrenched in our minds such that whether or not we are enough is determined by the kind of backgrounds we come from, the kind of privileges we are born with, the kind of circles we have, our influence on social media, our physical appearance, it even stoops as low as the kind of phones we have; insane right? If you don’t fit into any of the above categories society simply tells you that you are not it and you live your life trying to prove yourself or battling low self-esteem. If you however feel like you are worthy because you check all the boxes in societies list of must haves, question is; who are you when no one is liking and most importantly when no one is looking.
I used to like being liked, it made me feel like I belong and that I had something to offer. The problem however was that the more I tried to wrap myself around people’s definitions of perfect, the less I liked myself and the more I felt trapped because I was no longer living according to my own standards, I was living according to theirs. I built my life around being liked, being attractive and beautiful that I forgot that I was not a product to be consumed or an object for someone to fit into their idea. Thing is, we all know that one day we will die but we are so scared to live, to fall, to fail and most importantly to be a person. There is nothing I have ever learnt from being right, being told how pretty I was or how much of an ideal my body was; but being wrong and all the irritating mistakes that I have made, that is where the best of me has come from.
Seven weeks ago, I was able to reconnect with the very core of who I am. I was able to discover aspects of myself that were hidden simply because I was trying to be an ideal person for the world. I learnt to dissociate my worth from the privileges I have been blessed with, from social media, from my circle of friends, from my physical appearance and to fall in love with the aspects of myself that make me who I am because what will hold most value when I die is my character. Life is a balance of imperfection and acceptance. Acceptance that everything in life happens for a reason. Am so glad I got to rediscover myself and even when it hurts, even when I feel like giving up and even when I am tired, I will choose me because she is all I have. There is so much beauty in authenticity, in being true to who you are. It is easier to love yourself when you are being yourself, so find that person, love that person and be that person!
