I turned 21 and here’s why I’m developing a relationship with uncertainty.

Birthdays for me have always been a point of reflection and as I sit here taking stock of my 20th chapter, I am beyond grateful that it allowed me to step into my humanity and not just in an authentic way, but in an uncontainable and messy way that I cannot even begin to put into words. Its normally difficult to see change when there is no comparison and my birthday has always given me a reference to time, constantly reminding me that my clock reads more digits.

This past year has had me grappling with questions of what the future holds for me and had me more times than I’d like to admit, looking outwards on what others are doing as a guide for what I should do. Yet still, here I am wondering who I’ll be at 35, at 42 and at 60 but still so eager to meet myself at every stage with as much grace as I can possible conjure.

The 21st year for every person traditionally marks a coming of age. For me, this is the year that I develop a relationship with uncertainty. It is the year that I learn to release the need to know before allowing myself to be fully present in every moment. It is the year that I allow the chapters of my life to unfold naturally without assuming that the unknown holds something bad. I am learning to allow myself to be okay amidst the confusion all while knowing that control was never mine to begin with.

I will trust life to do what it does but in the midst of it all, I will hold myself with kindness such that even in the moments where I am challenged to be a higher and better version of myself, I will do so knowing that in the present moment, I am still enough and I am still worthy.

I don’t have a tidy or quote-worthy way to wrap this up, but maybe this is your reminder to release your grip over trying to have it all figured out before being fully present for every moment. Your reminder that you can never be immune from the harshness of being alive but that does not mean that you shouldn’t live. That at the end of the day, we can never be anything other than human.

I turned 21 and I am finally developing a relationship with uncertainty, after all it is only in the unknown that anything can become.