Here’s why we should normalise friendship breakups.
Friendship breakups hurt worse than romantic breakups. A consensus was finally reached by me and some of my girlfriends during one of our dates over a few drinks and some wholesome banter. While I couldn't help but feel the warmth of these 5 girls who in a span of 2 years had become family, I was also taken back to a time when I was almost bereft by a pain which is so familiar but which so many of us choose to take on behind closed doors.
Friendship exists in a space that is most times seen as less important than a romantic relationship but most times it is far more intimate. These are people who we share with our greatest wins, our deepest fears and most times we are not afraid to show up as our authentic selves when we are around them so when these natural bonds come to an end, we are left denuded of a part of us and in more pain than we would like to admit.
This pain is often supercharged by the fact that we exist in a social media age, where we not only have to deal with the breakup itself but a continuous stream of photos and videos which serve as nothing but a reminder of all the spaces we weren’t invited to and that someone who we once held so close, consciously made a plan and chose not to include you. Its a continuous reminder of where you stand with someone you once loved and it sucks, alot.
Despite there not being an elegant way to let go of a friendship, the part that often goes unsaid is the fact that this pain is far more legitimate than we think and this entire process is completely natural. You see, what causes us so much pain is the fact that we tie the break up to our self worth. Somehow, we are made to believe that we are lacking, that we are a social recluse and that what we have was somehow not enough for the person we loved.
Friendship, just like any other connection happens upon us. We are constantly grasping for constants to.make it through and we live through our relationships. Sometimes we become entirely subsumed by the ones we love that at some point we fail to realise that we are evolving, and becoming different people in the process and consequently what we want from friendship is also evolving. It is absolutely normal and healthy to phase out friendships and this is not a testament to our unworthiness.
Sometimes, what brought you together was an old identity which you no longer resonate with.
Im learning that love does not always mean holding on so tightly that no one can move on, I am learning that sometimes there is love in letting go and that despite the fact that life long friends are invaluable, sometimes life carries us in different directions because we are meant for something different and not everyone can walk the same path as us.
'You are the average of the five friends in your circle.' I'm sure we've all had this famous one liner somewhere. I think the author failed to warn us, that sometimes your circle will reshuffle and not because we are unworthy but because we are human and human beings change and so do their needs.
So to all the friends who were once part of my journey , I hope that your average is nothing but a bespoke version of spectacular. I hope that even if its just for a season, that your friends influence.you for the better. I hope that your circle is perpetually your best.
P.s I love you.
