ADDITION BY SUBTRACTION
‘One day I decided that I was beautiful and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful person. It had everything to do with what I saw and nothing to do with what anyone perceived’ | Gabourey Sidibe
2 years ago, I felt a need to be seen and a need to be heard a thirst which I thought would only be cured by a large enough Instagram account where I would post incessantly, instructing people on aspects of my life which I wanted them to see such that even when everything on the inside would fall apart, I would have an online presence that would always beg to differ. This somewhat fake reality was my path to worthiness, happiness and centrality and if only I could touch the hem of that garment then my real life would begin.
‘What anyone thinks of you is none of your business.’ Google tells me that this is a quote by Regina Brett or maybe Lana Del Rey maybe Cardi B or maybe even Shonda Rhimes. The point is, we have all heard this one liner at some point in our lives, maybe from a self-help guru, a motivational speaker or from an affirmation that you say to yourself every morning to keep your vibration up. While the statement is painfully true, the writer missed out on a significant part; that its easier said than done. In an age where people present their lives as a highlight reel to be consumed, what people think of you is not only your business, it is your only business.
In the age of social media, the act of living has taken a performative quality, where the validity of your experiences depends on how people respond. The point is not to do things but to do things and to make sure people see you doing them. If nobody dutifully taps the heart icon to acknowledge the photo you took-then were you really there?
While it may seem that there is no counterbalance or alternative narrative, I chose to write one for myself. There is a sacredness to privacy and reclaiming your life for yourself. Taking it, savoring it and being in it. It’s totally okay not to take ‘nice’ pictures, its okay not to document every hour of your next trip. The whole point of life is to live it for what it is and not for the image of it, to do what feels good as opposed to what looks good. To spend time capturing special memories and not piecing together a thesis of why you are a good enough person.
I believe in authenticity; I believe in casting off the shiny social media exterior in favor of the truth and adopting a mask-dropping honesty. I believe in sharing a story from your soul, I believe in the vulnerability of being in your journey, figuring out a few steps but not having everything figured out. I believe in finding the courage to show up as yourself, right now, in this moment with every beautiful thing you embody. This is not only beautiful, its drop dead gorgeous!
